Tuesday, March 13, 2012

March 11, 12, & 13: Nerd Girl

Nerd Girl

Rankle (RANG-kul) v. - fester, be irritating [Webster's]; (of a comment, event, or fact) cause annoyance or resentment that persists [Google Dictionary]

March 11: I worked on my paper; it's coming together.  I had a bit of a meltdown earlier because I'm just so anxious about it and I wasn't sure whether or not it would be a good idea to drop the class.  It's more difficult to work when I'm not even sure if I'll be taking the class anymore.  I talked to James about it a bunch (and cried a bunch), but he doesn't know what I should do, either.  I think we just feel too differently about this sort of thing.  I have always made a really big deal about school assignments, but he is more laid back about them.  I wish I could be more like him in that respect.  It would get rid of so much stress and anxiety!

I ended up calling my mom after she got home from work.  She has stayed up with me countless times when I was stressed out and writing a paper.  Her advice really helped me.  I decided to finish the class - I know I can do it and I'm getting used to the idea that my grades don't mean everything (in other words, I can deal with an A- or a B!)  I sound so nuts, but it really is a problem for me.  I guess I just have a really deep-seated issue with academic success.  I have discovered slowly in recent years that this is my own problem and no one else's.  I always thought that other people expected a lot out of me, but it's actually me who demands perfection.  It's something I just have to deal with and learn to overcome.

March 12: Today we headed back over to my house.  Before we left, I worked on my paper more.  I'm also trying to relax in between working on it so that I don't go nuts.  I read a bunch earlier, too.  I feel better today than I did yesterday - less foggy.  I have been sleeping too late the past couple of days, and it always affects the clarity of my thinking.  I need to keep my brain nice and clear so I can pound this paper out.

We went over to my house around 5:30 so we could watch Teddy while my dad went to a meeting.  James and I hung out and watched TV mostly, and I worried about my paper.  After a while, I ended up taking my laptop into my room to work since pretty much any noise was getting to me (I'm weird like that - you don't know the half of it).  I worked a bunch on my paper and got a lot of good work done.  It was easier to work today because I felt clearer and I had a quiet place to work by myself.  I'm glad to be at home the last few days before this proposal is due so I can shut myself up in my room and get the work finished.

I added a lot of stuff to my paper today, including a bunch of graphs and tables.  Graphics are 9% of our grade (for the whole class, actually), so I'm trying to get as many as I can.  I read another students' draft and he had graphics galore - charts, tables, diagrams, even a floor plan.  It was crazy.  (That's the same paper that inspired fear in me the other day.)  I'm feeling so much better about the paper.  I've gotten large chunks of writing done and the organization is looking pretty good.  I posted another draft tonight with more questions.  Hopefully I can get answers to all of them (or at least the most important ones).  I just hope that she doesn't leave a bunch of mistakes to be found during grading.  I hate that.

I actually feel proud of my proposal.  I still feel cautious about it, though, because I just don't know what she will think or how she will grade it.  I just have to be hopeful and do my best.

March 13: My paper is due tomorrow, but I got a lot more good work done today.  At this point, I think it's finished.  I had another episode earlier because it seemed like there was always something new coming to my attention that needed added or changed.  I can't seem to keep up with everything she wants in this paper!  This silly thing has really been rankling me for the past week.  I'm going to be so relieved when it's safely submitted tomorrow!

 I commented on another students' draft and hopefully can get to someone else's tomorrow.  I was glad to have someone else help me, so I wanted to return the favor. Sometimes it is just so frustrating when you post several days in advance or you have important questions and almost no one helps you out.

This morning I went out to Middlefield with my mom and Teddy.  We had to pick up some things and go to Wal-mart (there isn't one around where we live).  We got some more Nutella (Mmmmm), some strawberries, oriental noodles (my favorite!), and a snack because we were hungry - glazed donuts!  They were soooo good (and soo bad for me!)  Teddy was naughty, though, and barked a bunch at people and horses and such.  When we got back I made some noodles and worked on my paper.

Later on I talked to James on the phone, then Amber online.  I ended up taking a nap because I just felt exhausted.  It's probably because I stayed up until 3am last night finishing up my draft for the proposal so I could post it on the discussion board.  The prof only responds to posts put up before noon, and I wasn't going to be posting in the morning.

I didn't feel much better after my nap, but started to feel better after I watched my Tuesday shows.  I keep thinking it's a day later than it is.  It freaks me out a bit since my paper is due tomorrow (Wednesday).  Ugh.  My shows were both good and I hung out with my mom some.  We looked through my new copy of Elle Decor together during the commercials.  That magazine has some funky stuff in it.  Between shows I worked on my paper a little more.  We had chicken noodle casserole (my favorite!) for dinner.  It was soo good.  I hope there's some leftover for lunch tomorrow.  <3

After dinner, I worked on my paper a bunch more.  I made another table, added a chart from another source, worked on fixing up my organization (it got a bit wonky after I added the Table of Contents), and messed around with the page numbering.  Apparently we need different numbering for the appendices, so I had fun trying to get Word to cooperate with me on that.  My poor mommy stayed in here with me and listened to me struggle with page numbers and the wording for my conclusion.  I love my mom.

Anyway, I'm happy with the way it turned out.  It's 17 pages long.  (I know!)  Hopefully the prof won't have anything to say about it and I'll turn it in ASAP tomorrow.  I'm a little nervous about turning it in late after the debacle that happened last time.  Ugh.  I've reminded several people repeatedly to remind me to turn it in before 10pm.  Yes, I'm a little neurotic.  Doesn't matter as long as that beast isn't late!

The only problem I foresee right now is the Table of Contents.  I just kind of smacked it on the first page of the memo and I'm not sure that's right.  Hopefully she doesn't recommend creating a cover page.  I'm not sure I can handle any more work on this thing!

After I submitted the draft on the discussion board and left my fate to, well, the Fates, I made the outfit above.  Well, finished it, anyway.  I started it a while ago, but I haven't been posting anything for the past week or so.  I've been too busy and too anxious.  Hopefully there won't be any more of that (at least for a while) after tomorrow!  Oh, and Spring Break is next week!  I am so excited for the rest.  (That's kind of an ironic sentence...)  Good night!


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